Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
