god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
