I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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