pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
