just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
