Are we in a gay sports bar?
smell my finger.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
