there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
