do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
