pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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