They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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