Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
