So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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