i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
