This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
