So drunk its hurt
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
