Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
