I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
