dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
