I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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