Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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