I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
