Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
