areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
