My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
