So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
