He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
