it wasn't lemon gatorade
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
