I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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