My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
