dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
