my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
