It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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