Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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