Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
