I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
