you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
