I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
These tits shall not be calmed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
