yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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