She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
