I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
