Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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