Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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