For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
