he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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