my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
