I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
