The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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