I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
