at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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