I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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