It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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