Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
