He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
